Dog Days of Spring?

I feel like I’ve woken up and hell has frozen over. Or in this case hell has melted over. I look at the calendar and see we’re halfway through March, but it sure feels like June has made an uninvited entrance into my life instead. Those who know me are aware of my intense dislike of warm weather. I realize I am in the minority so there’s no need to tell me otherwise. When I complain about how sweltering it is outside I receive the usual quizzical stares from people as if I’m saying something bizarre. I don’t see where it’s written (certainly not in the Bible) that I have to love when the temperatures rises. What’s so damn fantastic about feeling sticky, sweaty, and all around nasty? Before anyone attempts to try to explain it to me, save your breath. This is not some new revelation I’m revealing. I have felt this way for many years, except only recently I have developed such a hostile hatred for summer that it’s almost driving me insane. The day I win the lottery I’m moving to either Alaska or Seattle. North Pole, here I come!

I’ll break it down simply:

Allergy Season: From mid April to about August I cannot breath. The second the leaves start budding and the flowers start blooming I start a-sneezing. The itchy nose, the watery eyes, the nasal congestion, and all around feeling like I need to rip my face off are common occurrences during this time. My allergy is at it's all time debilitating in May, but doesn’t exactly taper off until October when the leaves start to fall. I can recall one horrific Mother’s Day a few years ago where I spent the entire Sunday sneezing non-stop. So much so I gave myself a nose bleed. I take all the medicine the doctors have to offer; both over the counter and prescribed. All of them work somewhat but not enough to truly make me feel normal. I don’t appreciate having to take the pills in the first place. I’m very anti medication of any sort. But alas it’s like fighting a losing battle. What I fear most of all is how this coming spring will be one of the worst ever with the early onslaught of heat. No relief in sight for me.

The Bugs: Those irritating little critters come out in full swing and over stay their welcome well into the autumn months. Living on the ground level these pesky buzzards walk right in without knocking. I despise insects. I don't fear them as much as just plain hate 'em! I don't feel they contribute much at all except to drive me batty. Having pale skin doesn't help since apparently that is their meal of choice. They want to take a bite out of me at every waking moment. Sure the answer is to cover myself with insect repellant. Add more goo to the already applied sun screen. Again pale skin+hot sun=red faced blistering Diane!

The Noise: I feel like the Grinch in How The Grinch Stole Christmas when I say this, but the noise noise NOISE! Why is it is so incredibly noisy all summer long? It's like some massive overblown party going on for three months I was interested attending yet have am forced to endure. People play their music with the windows rolled down, the ice cream truck from hell goes up and down my block at all hours of the day, and worst of all is the barbecues until 2 am on weekend. Let's not forget the crime! People are much more anxious to whip out the guns at night and start shooting aimlessly when the temps hit 95F. Oh what a joy to be out and about in New York among these conditions!

And lastly the humidity: There is nothing like stepping outside of my front door and immediately being attacked by damp, moist fog-like air! First I can't breathe and then within seconds I can't see because my hair is stuck to my face. So are my clothes. I feel like I'm swimming in a swamp. You can forget about even trying to appear to look attractive. When the mascara runs down my eyes mixed with sweat I can't say I look at all appealing. 

Yet these are months everyone supposedly looks forward to. Hot fun in the summer time right? Give me cold, crisp, wintry blistery days all year long!! I feel completely robbed of a decent winter season and it's baffling why everyone is running around celebrating like they've just been through the biggest deep freeze of their life. I can only imagine what's in store this coming summer and I guarantee it will not be pretty. Expect further rants with increasing rage as the weeks continue!