Childless On Mother's Day.

As another Mother’s Day came upon me yesterday, I thought immediately of my own mother.  Although she’s far away, I was still able to call her and wish her a great day. I realized how lucky I was in that aspect, when I have a few friends who weren’t able to pick up the phone and give their mom a call.  But rarely do I ever spend Mother’s Day contemplating my own disinterest in becoming a mother myself. Nor do I feel sad about it. In fact I hardly ever give it more than two seconds of thought.  Still every now and then I’m rudely reminded of how in this society apparently not everyone agrees. 

I spent the majority of the day washing clothes at the Laundromat. One of the best times to go is on holidays (particularly Mother’s Day) so I had all the washers and driers to myself.  I was minding my own business as I always do when the owner stepped up to me and asked me why I was at the establishment instead of out celebrating Mother’s Day.  I explained to him my mom lives out of state. He then rephrased the question “why aren’t you out with your own kids?” I hesitated before answering knowing full well this was going to lead into a discussion I didn’t care to have, let alone with a perfect stranger. Still I answered him. I told him I didn’t have any kids. He sort of looked at me with a perplexed expression then asked me “why not?” I gave him an equally perplexing expression as if to say “why are you all in my business?” So I just ignored him and kept on washing. He continued on asking why a young woman like me doesn’t have children. I told him I wasn’t that young and I just didn’t have any. Instead of asking for further explanation he just gave me this look like “aww too bad.” I couldn’t take having pity bestowed on me when there was no need. So I told him I never wanted any and was perfectly happy with that choice. Well that set him off. He proceeded to lecture me on the finer points of being a mother. He said there's nothing like it in the world (funny coming from a man who spends most of him yelling at the kids who try to crawl into the drier) and how I shouldn’t be so negative about starting a family. I simply said “it is what it is.” He then asked how my husband felt about all this. Instead of confessing my single status and thus being lectured on how I should be married by now I simply stated “my husband doesn’t want them either.”  I then made me way outside and pretended I had a phone call in order to save myself from further scrutiny. 

I didn’t feel bad or guilty as much as annoyed. It’s nobody’s business what I choose to do with my life, let alone the Laundromat owner. But as I looked around the place I noticed I was the only woman there and I felt some of the other workers’ eyes on me. Normally I would have thought they were feeling bad because I wasn’t with my mom, but now I was thinking they felt bad I wasn’t with the two or three kids I should have. What nerve. I went into that place to do a load of clothes and end up feeling dissected for my life choices. Seriously?  There’s not enough babies and kids having kids out there? Is my life not fulfilled in anyway because I haven’t given birth yet?  If I felt even remotely sad about it then maybe I would have stayed home and gotten drunk. (I got drunk anyway but that’s beside the point). I don’t feel sad. I’m thrilled. I’m content. I know in my heart it was never in my cards to bear children. I’m too selfish and I love my freedom too much. I love to travel. I love to come and go as I please. I don’t have that desire to pick up and coo over a baby. Like EVER. There is multitude of reasons why I have chosen to remain childless, but that’s not the point of this rant. It’s MY choice and I do not have to answer to anyone about it. I was having a perfectly routine Sunday and someone had the balls to attempt to make me feel immoral unnecessarily. Is it really that big of a deal? I am no less of a woman or a good person because of this choice. Perhaps I am missing out on something amazing, but I have to find that out for myself.  Until then I remain many other relevant roles such as daughter, sister, aunt, and friend.  I am those roles all year round and they remain no less crucial to my existence than being a mother would be.   

End rant…and I hope all the Moms out there had a wonderful day.

P.S.-I thank my close friend Maria for inspiring me to write this entry!